Flirting secrets

Flirting secrets from a southern belle
By Ronda Rich

Anyone can flirt. You don’t have to be eighteen or a size eight. You don’t have to be beautiful. You don’t have to be bursting with personality. You only have to possess the spark of desire and a sparkle in your eyes. It simply begins with a friendliness and openness that invites people to come closer. The key elements of flirtation are simple:

Strong Self-Esteem
People are attracted to others who feel strong and good about themselves. If you don’t like yourself, why should others? Some folks have good self-esteem because it was nurtured from early childhood in a family that made a conscious effort to instill it. Most of us have to learn it. That begins with knowing what makes us feel insecure, such as a lack of education or social skills, excess weight, or other insecurities. If there is something that bothers you about yourself, fix it. It’ll be the best investment you ever make.

Irresistible Humor
Laughter is undeniably potent in drawing others to you. Southerners are renowned for our sense of humor, especially the self-effacing kind we use in our stories. In flirtation, a sense of humor will always be your greatest ally.

A Light-Hearted Approach
Don’t take yourself or this game seriously. It ruins it. That means it’s best to begin without any agenda such as “I want to marry this guy.” No strategies. No plans. No objectives. Just keep your spirits high and your heart light. A playful tone is also key. The sound of your voice should clearly and loudly say, “Let’s have fun!”

Spirit of Goodwill
Kindliness starts from deep inside and may require a little effort, but this is truly what makes all flirting work. People respond to inner beauty quicker than they respond to outer looks. That’s why Southern mamas always warn their daughters, “Pretty is as pretty does.”

Genuine Interest
Everyone has a story of some kind. Regardless of what it is, it is interesting because our stories make us who we are. And everyone has a skill or talent. By asking questions about another’s life, skills, and talent, you gain insight into the individual, and chances are you’ll learn something.

Knowledge
Read. Read. Read. Observe and learn. Keep up with current events and pop culture. You never know when a piece of seemingly-insignificant information will serve you well in a moment of flirtation. Many times I have worked a room by dropping a line here and there about everything from business news to sports to rock stars to Broadway plays. And, honestly, all I knew was a line about each, but it was enough to get a conversation off and running.

Compliments Aplenty
You can’t flirt without flattering. Can’t be done! You have to make others feel good about themselves so that they feel good about you.

Engagement
Always use the full impact of your eyes and smile. In the hustle and bustle of a world that never stops, this tip now works more powerfully than ever. Taking the time to look someone in the eyes and connect for a moment can reach deep down to the soul of a person. We’re losing too much human contact in today’s society. That’s why these techniques, long touted by the women of the South, will high-heel kick you to the top of someone’s favorite-persons list. Look into his eyes for a deep connection and smile warmly. The eyes will draw him to you, and the smile will wrap him in gracious hospitality. It is an irresistible feeling in a world that is often far too cold.

Couple Time

How to Carve Out Couple Time and Run Your Business
by Ellen Parlapiano and Pat Cobe, The Mompreneurs

Juggling work and family: 7 coping strategies
Ever feel like you're so busy juggling kids and business that your relationship with your significant other falls to the bottom of your to-do list? Here's how to keep romance alive through the thick and thin of a home business.

Schedule Special Rituals. Set aside a certain time of the day devoted to just the two of you. To keep the time sacred, mark it on your calendar, just as you would a client meeting or a pediatrician's appointment. Perhaps you and your mate can share breakfast in bed before the kids wake up. Or maybe you can plan a candlelight dinner after the children are tucked in for the night. (Call a gourmet take-out service if you're too tired to cook!) To keep business worries from intruding on your time, close your office door and let your answering system grab the calls. Use the time not only to catch up on daily events, but to reconnect emotionally and physically. To keep the conversation from being too utilitarian, put a limit on how much you talk about family and work, then try to spend the rest of the time focusing on how you feel about each other.

Write Love Letters. Take a second out of your crazed business day to let your significant other know you're thinking about them. A romantic email or fax will brighten anyone's busy day. Or tuck a card in their briefcase that tells them how much you miss them.

Shake up Your Lunchtime Routine. Stuck lunching at your desk? If your partner works nearby, ask them to join you! Set up a small card table or snack table in your office and order in some take-out. Or try spreading out a blanket and picnic on the floor! It's a refreshing change of pace!

Turn Downtime into Dates! When you can't squeeze in a full-service date (you know, dinner, movie, the works ...) make the best of the time you do have. For example, if the two of you are heading off to a parent-teacher conference, leave a few minutes early and take a detour for a quick cup of coffee.

Put Passion into the Mundane. Turn everyday tasks into a shared experience. Cooking or exercising together, for example, can be very soothing and sensual. Even something as mindless as folding laundry together, gives you a chance to catch up with each other. Once you start devoting ordinary moments to each other, every day will like Valentine's Day.

HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER

Excerpted from HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER
To get you started with your writing, here are some sentences you can complete to remind you of what you want to say and how you want to say it. Do this exercise before you proceed with your letter:

1. I'm writing this letter because I:
A. had a great date
B. want to see the person again
C. want to apologize
D. want to take the next step
E. want to say "I love you" in no uncertain terms
F. want to mark an occasion

2. The thing I admire most about the person receiving this letter is:
A. his or her wit
B. his or her smile
C. the way he or she makes me feel
D. that I can trust him or her
E. his or her intellect
F. his or her lovemaking skills
G. that certain thing he or she does

3. The thing I want this person to know about me is that:
A. he or she hurt my feelings
B. he or she made my day better
C. I really like him or her
D. I'm falling in love with him or her
E. I'm uncomfortable and want to slow things down, but not stop them
F. I can write a great letter

4. In this letter, the main thing I want to say is:
A. thank you
B. I'm sorry
C. I learned something new about you that I really like
D. I want to spend more time with you
E. I'm going to be really busy for a while; don't mistake this for a lack of interest in you
F. last night was special
G. I love you

5. I tend to be most inspired or moved by _____ so I should use that as my inspiration for my letter.
A. music
B. movies
C. books
D. poetry
E. nature
F. art
G. conversation
H. prayer

6. My partner seemed to be most moved by ____ so I should try to incorporate that into my next letter.
A. music
B. movies
C. books
D. poetry
E. nature
F. art
G. conversation
H. prayer

For Kristen

Thought this was good for Kristen but that everyone would enjoy adding their comments as well.

7 habits you need to break
By Bob Strauss

If you've been living alone for the past few years, odds are you've developed some habits that just might (to phrase it politely) strike the new guy or gal in your life as somewhat strange. Changing deeply entrenched behavior takes time and effort, so even if you're convinced the polar ice caps will melt before you meet someone, fall in love, get married and move in together, you might want to start the process by identifying these relationship-defying quirks:

45-minute showers
There's nothing like steaming up the entire bathroom on a chilly spring morning-except, that is, when there's someone outside waiting to do his or her business. If you're a guy, you can kiss these ablutionary marathons goodbye — and if you're a gal, well, you'll have to cut them back to half an hour, tops.

Spoiled pets
Strict disciplinarian that you are, you're perfectly fine with Bonkers the dog snarfing your Wheaties in the morning, and it's just so cute when Cleavis the cat curls up in the kitchen sink for a nap. Even if he's a pet lover, your boyfriend will be horrified. Show the beasts who's boss — if nothing else, it'll be good practice for your love life.

"Casual Sunday"
Dragging yourself out of bed at 2 PM, trudging around the house all afternoon in your bathrobe, brushing your teeth over the six o'clock news and only taking a shower after dinner — unless your new beau is as laid-back (read: as big a slob) as you are, all that will soon be as extinct as the dust bunnies under your bed.

All TV, all the time
When you've been alone for a while, the TV can seem almost like a live-in companion — you may not even notice its intrusive blare 24 hours a day. Your real live-in companion, however, is likely to take heed. Be sure to turn the tube off occasionally, lest he put an axe through it first.

Pretzels in bed
As long as no one's watching, that queen-size mattress might as well be an enormous dinner table (guys are especially partial to this habit — it has something to do with getting yelled at by mom). Keep it to the kitchen, thank you, and while we're on the subject, try to clean your sheets once every few months, too.

Aimless whistling
This is an especially insidious habit, because most itinerant whistlers aren't even aware what they're doing — until, that is, they notice the people around them desperately trying to claw open windows and jump out. On the other hand, if your new squeeze is an incorrigible hummer, the two of you just might be made for each other.

Lack of silverware
This one's especially for the men — After a certain age, a guy resigns himself to the fact that he doesn't need full dining-room service for four — one or two plates, an enormous bowl, and a knife and spork will do just fine (as well as make washing dishes a less onerous task). If you suspect a romance is in your future, invest in table settings for at least two. And if you think it'll be a really serious romance, go crazy and buy three or four.

Pulling off the perfect PDA

An article I found amusing considering the attention it gets in schools.

This is an abridged version.

Pulling off the perfect PDA
By Stephen F. Milioti

Congratulations: You’ve met someone you care about. While snuggling on the sofa is cozy and intimate, one of the most powerful ways to show you care is a PDA—no, not a Palm Pilot or Blackberry, but a public display of affection. But how do you pull off a PDA without looking clingy, overbearing or just plain inappropriate? For gay and lesbian couples, there’s a lot to consider when making a public display, perhaps the most important of which is safety.

So how do you successfully navigate a PDA? Here are some pointers.

Know that subtlety is sexy. The first and most important PDA rule is a simple one: Less is more. Rather than launching into a big smooch, a simple touch on the elbow or knee under a table (or placing a hand on someone’s back) is a powerful thing. “The small of someone’s back is a very sexy place,” says Fridkis. “Just touch it for a second crossing the street—that’ll do the trick.” It delivers contact and connection in a very subtle way.

Realize that shock value isn’t sexy. If you think it’s somehow dashingly assertive to launch into a major PDA without warning, think again. That can just be intrusive and overwhelming. This type of sudden, shock-value statement is obviously a no-no.

Divide and conquer. Rather than one big gesture, try a few well-placed PDAs in one date; it will help your partner get the message that you care. “It’s all about the strategic brushes against the leg and quick touch on the arm to let them know you're relating to them during a conversation. Sprinkle a couple of these moments throughout a date, and they get the message you may want to touch more another time,” says Michael Mondoro, a New York City-based public relations executive who is in a long-term committed relationship.

Don’t deploy control moves. Some PDAs seem warm and affectionate, but others can unintentionally appear controlling. For instance, “an arm around the shoulder says ‘I’m in charge,’” says Fridkis. “So you might want to avoid that type of gesture, until you learn more about the person and what they’re looking for.”

Do it sober. Just as a reminder: Don’t mix drinking and your first PDA. If you downed a few and then make your move, you might think you’re being bold and suave—but you’ll basically just look like a sloppy drunk making a move. And this is very often a deal-breaker—especially at the beginning stages of a relationship.

Be courteous about kisses. If the PDA you’re planning is a kiss in full view of others, it’s not unsexy to ask. You might want to lean in, touch your partner’s elbow, and say softly, “Mind if I kiss you?” It shows you’re considerate about how the other person feels about PDAs.

Get creative. Some of the most successful PDAs, while technically done in public, are also private—even stealth. “When I returned to my apartment at night, I would always find a sprig of fresh flowers on my doorknob,” she says. “It was always small and unobtrusive, but I knew who they were from and the significance.” It was a unique way of making a public display a little bit private. Hey, a little creativity always helps.

Stephen F. Milioti is a New York-based writer and editor. He’s written for The New York Observer and Salon.com. The PDA he most enjoys getting? A smooch on the cheek followed by a sly smile.

Bagging the rattler

Bagging the rattler
Originally uploaded by toovinnie.

Bagging a rattlesnake for transport to a more tranquil environment. (The campsite was less then tranquil when he showed up.)