Pulling off the perfect PDA

An article I found amusing considering the attention it gets in schools.

This is an abridged version.

Pulling off the perfect PDA
By Stephen F. Milioti

Congratulations: You’ve met someone you care about. While snuggling on the sofa is cozy and intimate, one of the most powerful ways to show you care is a PDA—no, not a Palm Pilot or Blackberry, but a public display of affection. But how do you pull off a PDA without looking clingy, overbearing or just plain inappropriate? For gay and lesbian couples, there’s a lot to consider when making a public display, perhaps the most important of which is safety.

So how do you successfully navigate a PDA? Here are some pointers.

Know that subtlety is sexy. The first and most important PDA rule is a simple one: Less is more. Rather than launching into a big smooch, a simple touch on the elbow or knee under a table (or placing a hand on someone’s back) is a powerful thing. “The small of someone’s back is a very sexy place,” says Fridkis. “Just touch it for a second crossing the street—that’ll do the trick.” It delivers contact and connection in a very subtle way.

Realize that shock value isn’t sexy. If you think it’s somehow dashingly assertive to launch into a major PDA without warning, think again. That can just be intrusive and overwhelming. This type of sudden, shock-value statement is obviously a no-no.

Divide and conquer. Rather than one big gesture, try a few well-placed PDAs in one date; it will help your partner get the message that you care. “It’s all about the strategic brushes against the leg and quick touch on the arm to let them know you're relating to them during a conversation. Sprinkle a couple of these moments throughout a date, and they get the message you may want to touch more another time,” says Michael Mondoro, a New York City-based public relations executive who is in a long-term committed relationship.

Don’t deploy control moves. Some PDAs seem warm and affectionate, but others can unintentionally appear controlling. For instance, “an arm around the shoulder says ‘I’m in charge,’” says Fridkis. “So you might want to avoid that type of gesture, until you learn more about the person and what they’re looking for.”

Do it sober. Just as a reminder: Don’t mix drinking and your first PDA. If you downed a few and then make your move, you might think you’re being bold and suave—but you’ll basically just look like a sloppy drunk making a move. And this is very often a deal-breaker—especially at the beginning stages of a relationship.

Be courteous about kisses. If the PDA you’re planning is a kiss in full view of others, it’s not unsexy to ask. You might want to lean in, touch your partner’s elbow, and say softly, “Mind if I kiss you?” It shows you’re considerate about how the other person feels about PDAs.

Get creative. Some of the most successful PDAs, while technically done in public, are also private—even stealth. “When I returned to my apartment at night, I would always find a sprig of fresh flowers on my doorknob,” she says. “It was always small and unobtrusive, but I knew who they were from and the significance.” It was a unique way of making a public display a little bit private. Hey, a little creativity always helps.

Stephen F. Milioti is a New York-based writer and editor. He’s written for The New York Observer and Salon.com. The PDA he most enjoys getting? A smooch on the cheek followed by a sly smile.